The “D” Word is a word all to familiar to special needs families. It’s not surprising that many marriages simply cannot withstand the constant strain, pressure, confusion and exhaustion of the life we lead. We are constantly slaying dragons that mere mortals never have to face. We have medical charts memorized, we can recite every star wars movie line in order by heart and often multi task to the point of insanity. So my hiatus from the blog and announcement of my impending divorce should come as no surprise. Although many of the “normal” community think of me as a super hero for taking on all I do, I don’t feel that way. I feel like many of you have who have crossed this bridge. I feel like a failure. Technically I am. I have failed twice at marriage. Not that I wanted to, but I have. Autism Boy was the amazing blessing given to me with my first marriage. My ex and I have a civil relationship and work to do all we can to support Autism Boy but time, space and the differences in opinions can make that challenging. And now I am in the middle of getting another divorce. These are words I didn’t think I would ever utter. I have failed twice. Clearly I am not good at this marriage thing. I have been doing a lot of soul searching during the hiatus away from my blog. I have come to identify a few things about me.
1) God is first in my life and as much as I say it, my actions need to live up to my words. I need to be putting him first and showing it in my actions.
2) I am a fighter! I hate the idea of failing but I am not going to let this destroy me. It took two to fail. I hate that it ended but it did.
3) I will rise from the ashes of this divorce, dust myself off and show just how awesome this dynamic duo of myself and Autism Boy can be.
If you are going through the divorce journey also, my heart goes out to you. It takes time, is painful, and well, can destroy you but it doesn’t have to. We will get through this. I have chosen this quote to lead me through today: “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think,” said Christopher Robin to Winnie-the-Pooh.